As a first time mom, I’ve had quite a lot of breakdowns. I remember during the first ever breakdown I had (which was because of the challenges I faced during breastfeeding), my husband didn’t know what to do. He tried to offer solutions to the situations, and told me that if only he had breasts to feed our child, he would gladly do it. It was very nice of him to say that, but honestly, it didn’t really help me. Of course, deep down, I appreciated how my husband tried to make me feel better. But I learned that physical touch and words of affirmation were my love languages, and at that time, I just needed him to hold me and say that he appreciated what I did.
In relationships, it is important to know your partner’s love language, or how he likes to receive love. While you may think that words of affirmation may be a solution to his feeling down or stressed, that may actually be your love language, and not his. Knowing your husband’s love language allows you to specifically target your actions to help him in ways that he will appreciate the most. So if you’ve got a stressed out hubby coming home from work, and you want to help make it better, check out our list of ways you can chase all that stress away based on his love language.
Sometimes, all a person needs is someone to hug. Physical touch has been proven to be a way to communicate emotional love. We feel love and security when the person we love hugs us, strokes our hair, or holds our hand. This is why it has been highly suggested to spend time hugging, stroking, or massaging babies, as this also helps their emotional development.
So for those whose husband’s love language is physical touch, take time to snuggle and cuddle after an extremely stressful day. It’s the simplest and probably most comforting way to reduce his level of anxiety. Additionally, studies show that levels of oxytocin, also known as the “love hormone” increases during hugging, and scientifically helps a person feel better, as it promotes attachment in the relationship. A nice, warm, and sincere embrace, or maybe even a long cuddle in bed, with some kisses perhaps, might be just what he needs to take the stress away.
Words are very powerful, and for those whose love language is words of affirmation, it is very helpful to let them know how much you love and appreciate them.
Take note, words of affirmation are different from words offering solutions. You may have the nicest intention when you say, “I wish I could be the one experiencing all of these for you.” or “Would it make you feel better if we do this or that?”, but it may not be greatly appreciated. Words of affirmation focus on praises, acknowledgement, and appreciation.
Spoil your hubby with words like:
“I am really thankful that even if your work can be stressful, you’re always giving it your all to provide for our family. The kids and I really appreciate you.”
“You’re a very smart and strong man, and I know that you can get through whatever it is that’s bothering you. I’ve always had, and I always will, believe in you.”
However way you choose to say it, these words can surely make him feel ready for the next day ahead, knowing all his hard work has a purpose, and most of all, is not taken for granted.
For some people, actions speak louder than words. If acts of service is his preferred way of accepting love, you can cook him his favorite meal or make an effort to buy his favorite comfort food. You can also pack a hearty lunch for him with some extra dessert, or you can give him a free pass to some of his chores. This is a great way to let him know you are thinking of him, and a way to let him feel you appreciate him without the need to say it.
Receiving well thought of gifts from the people we love can be really heartwarming, most especially if this is your love language. Try to check what your hubby needs or just something he’s been wanting to get for awhile. Maybe it’s a new watch, tie, wallet, a game, a bike part–whatever it is, if the budget permits, why not go ahead and get it for him?
For the people whose love language is quality time, this would mean getting undivided attention from the people they love. If this is your husband’s love language, and if he’s willing to talk about the cause of his stress at the end of the day, put everything down and listen. Don’t even think about listening while browsing through your phone or doing a household chore. Just sit down with him, maybe with a cup of coffee, or a bottle of beer, give him your full attention, and make him the center of your time.
Knowing how to properly address your hubby’s emotional needs, and being able to make him feel your love, helps build a stronger relationship. When we’re married, we tend to get comfortable and complacent, and everyday challenges may contribute to this. Keeping each other’s love languages in mind (especially when life gets tough), contributes to being able to positively and successfully take care and love each other better.