No matter how “experienced” you are, mom guilt is a reality and every mom will feel it from time to time. It’s so easy to overthink about whether what we did was right or wrong for our kids. But, it’s more important to remember that you’re definitely doing your best!
Today, we’re sharing how these moms experience mom guilt and what they do to beat it every time it pops up. We hope reading these stories will help you remember that you’re definitely not alone in this and that handling mom guilt is a process you can get through. You might even pick up new coping tricks that work for you too! Keep reading!
Rest actually triggers my mom guilt. It’s seem like my To Do list never runs out as a mom and entrepreneur. Either my time is devoted to my family or it goes to my work. Whenever I take time for myself to rest, I end up feeling guilty thinking that time should be given to either of the two instead. I can’t say I handle this perfectly but often I try to just stop, and remind myself I can’t be everything to everyone. The guilt might not fully go away but I end up realizing the time of rest was needed because it recharged me afterwards to give more to everyone around me.
— Janna Simpao, mommy of Matti and Rocco
When I say “FASTER and NO” to my five-year-old boy just because I can’t handle them both with his one-month-old brother at the same time. I turn to my vent buddies, my husband, and my sister. I tend to promise my eldest things that we’ll do together when his baby sibling is asleep and it was tougher to commit to [our] Mama-Zak time, until we agreed on a calendar marked with his schedule with Dada, me, and even with his aunt. It’s a family schedule we are trying to consistently follow just to make sure we give enough time for both kids in the family. We set rules and we discuss signs when Mama needs help and when Mama is free. Guilty? I think it would always happen anytime with many reasons–what’s important is that you have your vent buddy or buddies that are ready to back you up.
— Dareen Donan, mommy of Huey Iezak and Heinz Iosef
Leaving for work every morning is always a heartbreaking scene for me. My little boy cries whenever he sees me getting dressed up for work and cries harder when I’m about to leave. It breaks my heart into pieces. Now, my husband and I make sure to leave earlier, before he wakes up, to avoid this kind of situation. I’m also planning to resign by next year, God willing, to fully stay and take care of him.
As for my part, I always remind myself to breathe and take things easy. Sure, there are some people who question my decision to still work after giving birth, but I’m doing this out of love for my child…to help his Dad provide a better future for our [family]–it’s one great way of showing him how much I love him. Yes, I sacrifice the time that I should’ve been with him but I’m doing this for him. Also, I’m learning to be kinder to myself, to stay away from any negativity, and just focus on being the best mother to my child even if I’m still working full time.
— Marianne Betiong-Dorado, mommy of Gian Matthew
— Katt Palma, mommy of Andray
— Jane Aguirre, mommy of A.J.
— Khat Villados, mommy of Ella and Kelsey
— Gracey Quesang, mommy of Gavin and Garrett
As a working mom, it’s hard not to feel guilty whenever I leave the house for work, especially when I see them crying or calling my name. It’s so heart breaking, but I do what I have to do. I try to handle it in a positive way [and remember] that all I’m doing is for them. As a mom and as a person, I also need to grow and learn and have self-fulfillment to be able to become a better mother to them. So spending weekends with them, making travel vacations, or just simply going home early everyday [are things] I do to make for the time lost and when I’m with them, I give them my full time and attention.
— Charrie Aromin, mommy of Cassie and Joaquin
Truth is that every day is a new challenge. My mom guilt hits me hard when I need to leave Maxie for a couple of hours and when she cries inconsolably. Sometimes, I imagine my baby all smiles with whomever I left her with and make up for lost time with hugs and kisses when I get back, sometimes with an explanation of where I went and why i was gone (even if she’s too young to understand). Oftentimes, I just need to ride the wave of tears by picking her up, cuddling her, with the occasional reassurances of “Mama’s here” and “I love you.”
No matter the circumstance, I force myself to listen to & remember what my mom friends advised: I am a person before I am a mom and I need to take care of myself first–whether it be through me time or for work. Time apart is time to grow so I have a bigger and better self to share. I do my best every day, I’m learning as I go along, and that’s okay; no one else can be my baby’s mama better than I can.