Some say that romance tends to fizzle away after the baby arrives, and arguments arise left and right, especially when you’re both exhausted and sleep-deprived. The transition from being a couple to becoming a family of three (or more) is a huge transition and it does come with its fair share of ups and downs. However, your relationship doesn’t necessarily have to take a backseat. You can still maintain a positive and intimate relationship as husband and wife, amidst all the changes that come with being parents. Read on to know how, and do let us know if you have any tips to share too!
Now more than ever you will need to work as a team, which also means learning how to accept each other’s ways of being a Mom and Dad. Be cheerleaders and support systems for one another because you’re both new to parenting and not everyone gets things right the first time. Go easy on the hubby when he doesn’t fold the blankets the way you want them to be folded, and be understanding of different points of view when it comes to parenting. Give each other space to become the kind of Mom and Dad you want to be, but find the balance of working us one unit as well.
Although frustrations are unavoidable, talking it out calmly and openly will help take away those negative feelings. Be specific and honest about how you’re feeling by saying, for example, “I’m feeling exhausted and overwhelmed right now, could you be the one to put the baby to sleep?” Communicate your feelings and talk about any issue you may be having trouble with so you can find solutions together. You can also simply talk about your day. Find time to express your thoughts with one another, even if it’s just for five minutes.
Spontaneous dates may be out of the question now that you’re taking care of your little one, and that’s okay! You can adapt to having scheduled dates and downtime. When the grandparents offer to take care of the baby, even for just a couple of hours, go ahead and say yes. It’s important for the two of you to spend time together to reconnect and recharge. Take that opportunity to have an hour or so to rekindle your connection and intimacy, even if it just means binge-watching your favorite shows together or sharing a simple takeout dinner.
If it’s possible, try to take equal amounts of days off from work, so you can both bond with your baby as much as you can. Divide tasks fairly between the two of you, so you’re both involved with the chores and spending quality time with your baby. You can also be specific with your tasks. If Mom takes on the morning chores, Dad can handle the housework and taking care of baby from 6PM onwards, for example. If one of you has an important meeting or a major client presentation within the week, you can work your to-do list around that as well. Always be understanding and compassionate towards one another because you’re both definitely doing your best.
Life has definitely changed, but you brought such a wonderful gift to the world! Love can only grow deeper and stronger from here. Yes, there will be rough patches, but you will learn and become stronger as a family. From just the two of you, your love has now multiplied! Enjoy these moments together, both the good and bad, because every part of your parenting journey will turn into a fond memory.
Want to know some more? We asked real couples to tell us what it’s like after having a baby and how it changed their relationships. Check out their answers here.
Babycentre. Keep Your Relationship On Track After Having a Baby. January 2020.
Grose, Jessica. Fighting Constantly After Baby? Read This. May 2020.
Mauer, Elena., McConville, Kylie. 8 Shocking Ways Marriage Changes After Baby. August 2019.